Old-school Wishbone Magic

Inspired by the challenge of a new wall layout, we set a new standard in old school accessiball today - the achievement of old-school wishbone magic.

Old-school Wishbone Magic: An old-school play whereby thrower sends two balls wishbone fashion against a wall to be received blind and caught simultaneously using two hands.

Balls: 2 x blue Tesco specials (Infalted to standard indoor IAA regulations)
Altitude: 255ft (providing a gravitational influence of 12)
Visibility: Good (Cloudy)
Temperature: 9 C
Barometric pressure (mb): 1019
Relative humidity: 69%
Musical inspiration: Disco stomp - Hamilton Bohannon (Disco Generation - Disc 2)

We dedicate this achievement to Bob Woolmer. Fortunately, the sport of accessiball is still relatively free of match-fixing. However, with these kind of achievements it won't be long before we too could be targeted by dodgy bookies and the like. We don't want to turn pro. We do this for the love of the game.

Double Wishbone Magic

Most people wouldn't have dreamt of playing accessiball in such extreme conditions, but we remainded dedicated to our sport today to produce Double Wishbone Magic.

Wishbone Magic: A new school play, whereby both balls are dispatched from a single throwing hand, but are caught in a conventional two-handed catching configuration.

Double Wishbone Magic: Wishbone Magic that is
acheived with thrower dispatching two balls in each hand using a wishbone technique, with two catchers landing the resulting catches in a magic fashion.

The extreme conditions overcome to achieve this feat include:

Balls: 2 x pink, 2 x blue Tesco specials (Infalted to standard indoor IAA regulations)*
Altitude: 266ft (providing a gravitational influence of 3.3)
Visibility: Very poor (Fog)
Temperature: 2 C
Barometric pressure (mb): 1042
Relative humidity: 99%
Musical inspiration: Do they know it's Christmas? - Band Aid

* These meteorological conditions resulted in the blue and pink Tesco balls in play being particularly soft. As a result, the players involved had to focus beyond the enormity of the stunt to negate the effect of soft balls by playing with exceptionally soft hands.

'Tis the season

Yes sports fans, we're well and truly into the depths of the Accessiball season - and what a season it's turning out to be!

A bit of show-boating today resulted in some delicious ballmanship. The highlight was a Feeling-OXO-Threeling-OXO-Threeling-OXO-Feeling old school combination.

For those struggling to do the maths on that one, it amounted to 10 catches in a total of 13 old school throws.

Fittingly, musical accompaniment for this feat was provided by Christmas Hits - 50 Festive Favourites (Disc 2).

During the Christmas break, we hope to find time to post a beginner's guide to accessiball, where we'll further define the basics of this sport we all love.

Next accessiball milestone: The X Factor

Joyously advancing the boundaries of Accessiball, today we completed The X Factor.

The X Factor: A new school play whereby the catcher switches hands mid-throw to complete magic with arms crossed.

Scientists say the co-ordination required to complete such a move surpasses anything seen in any species or machine, ever. We're making history here. Just like Man walking on the Moon, we'll always remember where we were when we completed The X Factor.

Official conditions for the anoraks:

Balls: Various Tesco specials (Infalted to standard indoor IAA regulations)
Altitude: 266ft (providing a gravitational influence of 3.6 - what with the stormy weather outside)
Visibility: Poor (flashing Christmas lights and the occassional lighting bolt)
Barometric pressure: 990mb
Relative humidity: 62%
Musical incentive: The Album 2001 (Warm up to The Corrs - Talk on Corners)

Note: The X Factor is not to be confused with a television show with a similar name and logo. Simon Cowell could never handle our talent.

Twelve days of Christmas!

After a work-enforced layoff of a few days, we've come straight back into form by performing the "Twelve days of Christmas".

Twelve days of Christmas: Twelve consecutive magical plays.

It's worth stopping to ponder the magnitude of this feat. It involved catcher and thrower performing alternate roles to string together twelve consecutive double throw / double catch scenarios, using only peripheral vision.

It's a feat that required intense concentration and superhuman brain processing to evaluate trajectory, velocity and gravitational effect for 2 concurrent objects passing back and forth over a 19" monitor emmitting not inconsiderable amounts of heat (and therefore updraft).

We do worry that as we reach these new heights, our form might suffer as a result of the lack of competition. Right now, we are Accessiball's Sir Donald Bradman.

'Tis the season to be jolly.

Double Blind Magic achieved!

Spent after a pioneering day full of achievement, we ended on a fitting note. The ultimate new school play - Double Blind Magic.

Double Blind Magic: A new school play whereby Magic is achieved with both thrower and catcher blinded.

Time for us to tuck away our balls and reflect on a day that can only be described as "magical".

Conditions as per Blind Magic below with slight wind assistance within accepted IAA regulated levels.

Blind Magic! Unbelievable!!!

In a day we'll never forget, we pulled off the penultimate new school move: Blind Magic.

Blind Magic: A new school play whereby Magic is achieved with a blinded thrower.

The only new school move that's left for us to achieve is Double Blind Magic - a new school, double-handed, blind throw/catch combination. Some call it Mind Magic, because it ranks up with Uri Geller's spoon-bending exploits in human mental achievements.

What makes this achievement even more significant, is that it was acheived twice in a row (three times in an afternoon session).

Conditions were similar to those of the Magic record noted ealier, with the gravitational influence extending marginally to a 3.5 as a result of moonrise.

Balls: Various Tesco specials (Infalted to standard indoor IAA regulations)
Altitude: 266ft (providing a gravitational influence of 3.5)
Visibility: Fair
Barometric pressure: 1028mb
Relative humidity: 79%
Musical incentive: In the Mix '96.

The Magic

Today we achieved "The Magic". Using full on new school rules, the idea was to land 2 balls in 1 double-handed play. Just 2 minutes of practice later, and we were writing the Accessiball history books.

For the enthusiasts out there, we achieved this record under the follwing conditions:

Balls: 2 Orange Tesco specials (Infalted to standard indoor IAA regulations)
Altitude: 266ft (providing a gravitational influence of 3)*
Visibility: Good
Barometric pressure: 1025mb
Relative humidity: 82%
Musical incentive: Full on dance '93 (Disc 1).

After significant jubilation, the players reflected on their achievement.

We're unlikely to achieve anything quite as significant as this again this week

It was a big day. A proud day. A day to remember.

* This bit is made up just a bit. The rest is the truth.